18 Oct Great communication takes talking, not texting
Are you communicating with your partner about important relationship issues via text messaging?
I don’t mean things like whether you need to pick up milk, or whether you love each other to pieces and can’t wait to get home for a big cuddle.
I mean the important things. Are you texting each other about the difficult, frustrating, potentially hurtful relationship and marriage things?
Communicating via text messaging is a bad idea for couples when they’re trying to resolve relationship and marriage conflicts.
Too often, my clients tell me about a difficult conversation between themselves and their partner that was played out exclusively via text messaging.
“Look!” they show me, “Here’s what he/she said next!”… Then, “And here’s how I replied!” and so on, and so on. The common denominator is always that the conversation came to some sort of unsatisfactory conclusion.
If you’re in the habit of communicating via text, think very seriously about whether waiting until you can both talk face to face may be a much better idea.
We all know that the written word can be very easily misinterpreted when not received within the context of wider non-verbal communication cues. But here’s another reason why using texts to resolve tricky relationship issues usually doesn’t work: text messages are immediate.
How long does it take to send a text? A minute? 15 seconds? Less? Even if you’re someone who deliberates for ages before pressing “send”, the temptation is still always there to respond before really thinking things through, and it’s a temptation that many people find impossible to resist, especially when emotions are running high.
Communicating about difficult relationship or marriage issues takes thoughtful reflection. And thoughtful reflection takes time. Smart couples resist the temptation to address important stuff through a medium that is essentially designed for fast paced and relatively superficial communication.
Next time you’re addressing an important relationship conflict or issue with your partner, put the phones away.
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