10 Jan Investing for Relationship Success
There’s a great little book by M. Scott Peck called “The Road Less Travelled”… it’s one of my all time favourite books on personal and spiritual growth and essential reading for all couples seeking relationship success.
In the opening chapter Scott Peck writes something like this:
“If you love something, you give it your time”
This little quote has stayed with me since I first read it as a 20 year old, with no clue about how relationships were supposed to work, nor much hope that I was ever going to enjoy relationship success myself.
But it made sense to me that if I really wanted to experience a healthy relationship, I’d need to start by giving it my time.
So, what do you love? To what do you give your time?
And does this accurately reflect what matters most to you?
I’m not talking about the time you invest in working, shopping, cooking, cleaning, driving, exercising, or sleeping… I’m talking about what you invest in, aside from this essential day-to-day stuff.
Perhaps, like me, you prioritise relationship success over all else.
You don’t just want a hassle free love life… (although that would be great).
You want an awesome, lasting, loved-up and totally thriving relationship…
… One that never leaves you confused, hurt, lonely and hopeless about how love is supposed to work, and whether you are ever going to find out.
And I know how you’ll get relationship success. It starts with the investment of time.
It takes a lot of time to attend to a relationship in really healthy ways.
It’s an ongoing never-ending investment. You can’t just check out or stop trying whenever things get tough.
In fact it’s when things get tough that partners need to grow, and this is when relationship success really happens.
Don’t ignore relationship problems. Don’t deal with them when you’re emotionally overloaded. Don’t “triangle” relatives and friends in to your own private relationship space. Don’t play “tit-for-tat”, “no-speakies” or “Poor me”: no-one will be the winner. Don’t invest in pastimes, relationships, or addictions that prevent you from being present to each other. Don’t allow bad relationship habits to become the norm.
Prioritise each other. Speak kindly to each other, even when unhappy. Share time together. Turn off your devices. Look into each other’s eyes while sharing heartfelt compliments and thankyou’s about things big and small. Laugh, tickle, and be silly together. Attend to arguments and issues as they arise and with a “grown up” spirit. Don’t sleep on conflict. Say sorry. Forgive readily. Take responsibility for your own good health: mentally, emotionally, and physically.
As we head off into the unknown of 2017, my wish for you is that you invest your time in what you love most. I wish for you relationship success and a partnership that thrives.
Pamela Pannifex is a Psychotherapist and Naturopath practicing on the Sunshine Coast of Queensland. She is passionate about educating people for great emotional and relationship health. Contact Pamela here.